ang pagibig ganyan talaga.

ive been so crazy for the past few days. really crazy and busy. i dont know why but these days, i cant really sit there and just shut up. i keep myself busy and im getting tired of it. but i dont want to cry. im done with that. i hate it because i cant admit that i still need that person in my life! it sucks to know that THAT PERSON loves someone new now and that im not in that person's heart anymore. part of me really wants to just hold that person forever and never let his hand go. another wants to let go and just let him be happy with the one he loves and just move on. i keep on telling myself that i dont him anymore, that i've got to move on, that he loves someone new, that we;re not for each other, that we cant be, that we cant be more than what we are now, that im stupid if i'll still wait for him. but why, why, why cant i just go completely and forget him just like what he did. for some reasons, i just cant.

no i am not.i wish.

i realized that its easier to forget someone who shows every reason why you should stop falling. maybe im over. maybe im not. who knows. it'll all get better in time. i wish.

no classes today.DUH.

hey.the time in my blog is VERY wrong. hahaha. but i dont want to adjust it. it's monday in my world today and we dont have classes. woohoo. its raining outside and the sound of the rain is very beautiful and sunny day real estate is soooo great. haha. i realized something about my post yesterday. (hell yeah. im not yet over it. this has been bugging me for three days already.yikes.) i have been reading the messages that person sent me. i dunno. i just want to talk. talk. talk. the messages got me laughing because of it's senselessness, feeling a little twinge in my heart then staring at the ceiling thinking why those words im reading makes me want to hit a person's face. this is weird though. ive never been this way before. and i dont think this is what you're probably thinking of. im not jealous. I AM NOOOOT. im just getting bored with this insipid romance. im not even sure if this is even called romance. haha. what makes me choleric is that i cant delete those dumb messages. do they mean that much to me? i dunno. i even kept those messages in a folder. hahaha. all those sent by the dumbess. haha. ill call that person dumbess. dumbess. dumbess. anyway. im getting irritated by my incessant thinking. its not necessary but im still doing it. ugh. is this an effect of reading messages over and over again until it gets trapped on your head? im tired already. maybe the dumbess is right. " inlove? --think again."

some promises are better off broken.

yesterday just wasnt my day. the feeling wasnt good. it was bad enough to make my tears flow.i dunno. but is it possible to love two persons at the same time? i shouldnt be mad,yeah i know. they're not together anyway. but i just dont understand if all those words we're the truth or we're they just words that are SUPPOSED to make me feel better. those words shouldn't be dropped anyway if it was nothing but empty and meaningless ones. what could stop you from falling? wish we all know that. it's not that everytime you fall there would be someone who'll catch you. what if you're falling for someone who couldn't even decide on which one he would catch? save myself. i will. but how? let go. i will. but what if the one im letting go of is the only reason why im risking it all? knew it was wrong from the start. maybe we never should have started. did we even start? things are confusing for us. one day im there. tomorrow, im not. some words shouldn't be told. some questions shouldn't be asked. sometimes we have to stop. to look back. to think. to LET GO:(

im so tired.and tired,and tired.and tired.

staring at this blank pages, as the clock begins to tick. your pale face makes me sick. we dont know where to start. with all these lies around us, im not giving out my trust.our time is running out though we've got nothing on our heads. just this thoughts waiting to be sought.

we cant run from all the things we fear

no reason to shed a tear

to steal it all

to feel the deepening pain

it wont fill these blank pages.

you turned back and stared with your dark, cold eyes. you know i cant stand all your peircing looks.every day with you makes up the perfect nightmare. trying hard to wake up and escape from the darkness you drown me with.

you are not what i need.but i wont lie and bleed.

you know i cant escape.

you got me trapped inside.

and i cant escape.

when this pen slides.

yes, i can't escape.

the darkness floods my everything.

you know i cant escape.

okay. this is a song i wrote. haha. it's not the first one or anything. i just found it in my notebook and decided to post it. haha. i made this one during our clve class, so i was really trying my very best not to fall asleep so i worked my brains up and came up with this song. i really love doing this. haha. i think it's one of my talents. i could do this really quick. the ideas and words just go crashing inside my head that i cant decide on where to start. guess i get pretty excited when i make this stuff. i haven't showed this to anyone yet, so whoever reads this, please tell me what you think. i really need your opinions. my eyes are struggling to open already. im just soo sleepy.

oooooh.i ammm sooooooooo tired.duh.

i dunno. i just wanna sleep.sleeep.sleeep.im too tired.nothing to be excited about.even the field trip isn't exciting me.the only thing that keeps me awake now is hayley williams' voice (hayley, if you only knew how much i adore paramore. i could tell im pretty addicted to your songs. you guys rock.) yeah. okay, i just posted this nonsense post because i cant do anything good here in our house. eer. good thing our math teacher didnt give any assignments. ooh. i miss my bed. got to sleep. (i'll delete this one soon when i realize that this one is so dumb. and weird. or whatever. but ill delete this one.)

mom.my poetic self is attacking me.

hey. i just wanna clear things out for my mom who must be wondering why i wrote GLASS HEART and the other unnamed dark poem. or whatevs you call it. this words are just an effect of listening to emo songs. but hey, this is really how i write. dont give any impressions that im depressed or something. I AM PERFECTLY FINE. really. these words are just popping on my head and i write what i think. similar to speaking my mind.period

gossips never prove themselves right.

i hate gossips. how ironic it is that im claiming that i hate it when im guilty for doing it? people who tell other people that they're not gossiping are liars. big time hypocrites. i just don't understand why we love doing it. like gossip will do anything good. they go deep inside us and eat us alive. (yeah, i know it's exaggerated.) just one thing. have you heard about her going out with him then went there and did this and that?oh. im going crazy.

these words just cant get out of my mind.

GLASS HEART

this isn't what we both wanted.

but im not sure.

you never told me

you love me.

now i want to know.

did you ever love me?

is my glass heart

a good thing to play with?

i hate to think of it

but you've done

nothing

but break it.

now i want it back.

but you just wont

let go of it.

we both know that

this is hurting me.

or have you become numb

from all these pain?

i know you're drowning

with all these sorrows.

i am too.

but if you won't let go,

i'll be hurting more.

im not here to take it all.

this heart maybe

made of this cold glass.

but i want to

feel the warmth

of real love again.

if my heart survives,

i wont be long

before it

gets cold and sick.

you know you never

wanted to do this.

but why,

of all things that

you could have broken,

did you choose

this heart

that has done nothing

but to give you

all the love

it could give?

i want to stay.

because with you is where i belong.

but i'll have to keep this

glass heart.

and i'll have to take it with me.

everything gets pretty confusing.i know

these lies

they're not a surprise

getting used to it

like there's nothing wrong

can't sing this stupid song

crying over this

don't know why

i feel so alone

is this what im thinking?

maybe melancholy or something

this time my words are failing me

making no sense

not what i used to see

not what i ever wanted

not what i needed

not what i wanted to write

im too tired to fight

or run

can't sleep forever

cant speak

can't move

can't breathe.

i dont know.

im confused.

lost

no.

the rain is falling

i am too.

this words aren't together

but they're speaking

only the truth.

im not sure what im thinking.

but one thing's for sure.

i.

am.

falling.

for you.

when your eyes turn black.

i cant believe i used those words. we were dismissed really early but as usual, we chose not to go home early and just go do crazy stuff. like we always do. we went back to our school and watched the band rep for the whole second year practice. well we didnt actually watched them. we sort of just contributed unnecessary noises. we were shouting and singing and just being crazy. i dont know if they got irritated but who cares. when we got tired, we just sat near the library and it was really windy and quiet. the library was dark and i loved how it looked like. it was spooky but the librarian was there so we didn't get inside. haha. but i loved how quiet the school became after everyone except us and some friends left. it was windy and quiet. which made us want to play with the innocent eyeliner. hell yesss. we spend our time doing those dumb things. stupid things are stupid but they're really fun. haha. then we got tired of the eyeliner and we decided to play with dea's whatever you call it(the pic at the right side is the result of silence, boredom, and dumbness) then we ge tired of it and decide to go home anyway. haha. good thing going home is still in our minds. duh. like we're gonna live after running away. eating nachos while listening to PARAMORE's born for this was the last thing we did. we kept on singing this song because we cant belt this really amazing song. hahaa. but when i got home, im still bored so ended up scaring myself. yeah. i took a pic of myself (which i rarely do). it was funny because the eyeliner or whatever you call it was sooo heavy. but at least i got tired so i stopped doing that and i finally kept quiet and sat down to post this. haha. hey, that pic im telling you, im still thinking about posting it. its so ridiculous im not even sure if i want to see it. hahaha.

posting here in school isn't so cool.

okay.this post has nothing to do with the title. its about heidi. her boyfriend for a year broke up with her just because he thinks that their situation isnt okay. (she's here in manila and he's in leyte.) sure that's miles away, but heck. if he thinks that they couldn't handle the distance, he should've just broke up with her earlier. who's he kidding? he made them last for a year then just break up with her after. wanna hit that guy's face.

QUITTERS ARE LOSERS.

hey.i didnt need that but thanks anyway.

haha.okay.that pic didn't look really good but at least i posted domething.i was really excited to go home and post something because this day went really well except for some things that really made me feel, uhm, stupid? but anyway, my friends, my best friends, the best people in the world, made a surprise for me. it was really surprising because i never thought they would spend so much just for that.they really made this day special for me.yesterday, i wasn't really excited but today, after what they did, i really, really, really, felt soooo happy.extremely happy. so happy that i don't even care if this photo i posted here look good, i didn't even care about how i look in this photo. all i know is that i have amazing friends and i know that they'll always be there for me. (hey.wait.i look weird here.) when i got home, i ididn't eat my dinner because i was soooo full already. haha. what made this day really weird but funny is that people i barely talk to greeted me. like 5:15 in the morning. hahaha. that was really weird. then i had a new boy bud. ( like i never had one. ) haha.

just to end this, i just wanna say I LOOOOOVE ALL OF MY FRIENDS. so glad i have you. so glad to know that someone would stop me from jumping off a six storey building. or whatever. so glad you're there. so glad you bought that cake. love it.

four hours before thirteen.

hell yes.im turning thirteen.

the twelve years of me, being a twelve year old girl who doesn't really look twelve is coming to an end. but why is everyone so happy about that? is me, finally turning thirteen matter that much? HELLO. i dont need the attention. everyone turns thirteen.enough about that.

twelve years isn't so long. it doesnt even feel like TWELVE YEARS. know what i mean? like it was just last week.(right now im talking like my mom. my goodness gracious.) my twelve years was spent playing with the freaking crayons, telling lies, making stories, fussing over a lost pencil, noticing how my hair resemble mickey mouse, making the lives of those who hate me miserable just by existing, trying to make things right, breaking promises and stupid hearts, getting my hopes up then watch it go down again, staring at someone i dont really know, dreaming, complaining, making music, holding on, believing, trying to get what was never mine, making everyone believe that i know who i am, finding myself, failing people, falling apart, and things.so much for being alive.

but im turning thirteen.

i live.

im here.

i'll stay.

nothing more to say.

i'll be here.

i'll let you hear.

no, listen.

yeah, listen.

i'll live to see another day.

hell yeah.im turning thirteen.

what shall i do with this freakin life?

i've got many things in my mind now.haha.it's filling my poor brain.

okay, know what, im a bit obsessed with the future.i always think about what i really wanna do with my life that i even think that life's too short for me to accomplish all the things i wanna do.at one point, i said i wanna be a teacher, but that was when i was still an innocent kid so that's not counted anymore. then after i watched the fast and the furious tokyo drift, i wanna have my car or be a racer or whatever you pros call that. then when i watched mean girls, i wanted to be a film director.i thought it was so cool. but now, what i really wanna do is have my own band and be better than my favorite band. the idea might be ridiculous if you knew what my fave band is but that's what i really wanna do. the idea makes me feel so energized and it's so nice to think about you and your "band" doing the world tour, signing autographs, making music for yourself and others, seeing your fans, performing for people who really adores you and doing what you really want to do. i swear i could feel fire raging inside me whenever i sing in the shower. it's what i really want to do. ive made a lot of songs but no one has noticed it or no one's planning to give it life but me. i used to be in a band but things didn't work out properly because it's so impossible to balance my time so, we decided to, you know, not to play anymore. i don't wanna go back and remember that anymore but all i know is that i really, really, really, wanna make music for EVERYONE. i wanna make music that even the old ones appreciate. i wanna make an honest song and pour all my emotions, ideas and thoughts like what im doing now. i just wanna hear everyone singing the song i made. sing like there's no tomorrow. i wanna make things happen.not to just let it happen.